christmas vacation quotes

christmas vacation quotes

Well, I'm going to leave the vehicles and get the baggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

[as a company of suits - lead by Clark's manager - goes by single file] Merry Christmas. Cheerful Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my can. Kiss his can. Kiss your butt. Glad Hanukkah.

[the newel post is flimsy so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post.

LOTTA SAP in here. [Spits then gives an alright sign] Looks extraordinary! Minimal full, Lotta sap!!

The most persevering conventions of the season are best delighted in the warm grasp of friends and relatives. This tree is a symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.

I commit this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.

Can't see the line, can you Russ? 

[Handing Christmas lights to Russ] Unravel these. We have to check each globule. [Pulls out a gigantic tangle of lights] Oop. A little bunch here, you can chip away at that. [Hands it to Russ]

Where do you believe you're going? No one's leaving. No one's leaving this fun, out-dated family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is an out and out, four-alert occasion crisis here. We're going to go ahead, and we're going to have the hap, hap, most joyful Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-hit the dance floor with Danny screwing Kaye. Furthermore, when Santa presses his fat white ass down that fireplace today around evening time, he's going to locate the jolliest cluster of butt faces this side of the nuthouse.

Hello. In the event that any of you are searching for any very late blessing thoughts for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my supervisor, ideal here today around evening time. I need him brought from his cheerful occasion sleep over yonder on Melody Lane with the various rich individuals and I need him brought right here...with a major lace on his head! Also, I need to look at him straight without flinching, and I need to disclose to him what a modest, lying, nothing more than a bad memory, spoiled, four-flushing, bastard, wind licking, soil eating, ingrained, overstuffed, uninformed, parasitic, hound kissing, brainless, dickless, miserable, coldhearted, fat-assed, bug-peered toward, firm legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey poo he is! Glory be! Oh my goodness! Where's the Tylenol?

Father, you showed me all that I think about outside light. 

[To Eddie] Can I refill your eggnog for you? Make you something to eat? Drive you out to the center of no place, abandon you for dead?

Going for another novice recreational saucer sled arrive speed record, Clark W. Griswold, Jr. Keep in mind, don't attempt this at home children; I am an expert. Later fellows. Give 'er a chance to tear. Hang ten!

[last lines] I did it.

Cousin Eddie

On the off chance that that thing had nine lives, he simply spent them all. Whoo!

Tha in that spot is an RV, I got it off my mate and I sold him my home for that in that spot Vehicle

They needed to supplant my metal plate with a plastic one. Each time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my jeans and overlook my identity for about thirty minutes.

I don't know whether I oughta go sailin' down no slope with nothin' between the ground and my cerebrum yet a bit of government plastic.

[Todd the neighbor gazes with sickening dread at Eddie depleting the RV can into the sewer drain] Merry Christmas! Crapper was full!

[walks in with a bound and choked Mr. Shirley tied with a major red ribbon] ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. [to Mr. Shirley] You about prepared to do some kissing?

Clark, I'd like to endeavor to treat this here seat, it's a decent quality thing. If its all the same to you my askin', what amount did she set you back?

He's adorable ain't he? Just issue is, he has somewhat a Mississippi leg dog in 'im. On the off chance that the state of mind gets him right, he'll snatch your leg and simply get down to business. You don't need him around in case you're wearing short jeans if you catch my drift. Expression of caution, however, in the event that he does lay into ya, it's best to simply let 'im wrap up.

Here? Well, this is nothin...but in the event that this gets marked, my hair just ain't going to look right.

[After discovering that Clark is getting the opportunity to be an individual from the Jelly of the Month Club as opposed to getting his bonus] Clark, that is the blessing that continues giving the entire year.

Others

Audrey Griswold: Would it be foul to request that the grandparents remain at a lodging?

Ellen Griswold: I don't recognize what to state, aside from it's Christmas and we're all in hopelessness.

Ellen Griswold: Welcome to our home - what's left of it.

Workmanship: Hurry up, Clark. I'm cold my loaves off.

Auntie Bethany: [after achieving the Griswolds' house] Is your home ablaze, Clark?

Close relative Bethany: Is Rusty still in the Navy?

Mr. Shirley: Put it over yonder with the others, Greazeball.

Mr. Shirley: [Picks up the telephone receiver] Get me, someone. Anyone. What's more, get me, someone, while I'm pausing.

Close relative Bethany: It's an entertaining, squeaky sound.

Uncle Lewis: Hey Gris! In case you're not doing anything useful, keep running into the lounge room and get my stories!

Uncle Lewis: [to Aunt Bethany] You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitro glycerin plant!

Clark Sr.: It's a beaut, Clark. It's a beaut.

Discourse

Clark: Let's consume some residue here, eat my elastic!

Corroded Griswold: Dad, I think what you mean is "consume elastic" and "eat my residue".

Clark: Whatever Russ, whatever. Eat my street coarseness, Liver Lips!

Ellen: Clark, Audrey's solidified starting from the waist.

Clark: That's everything part of the experience, nectar.

Todd Chester: (mockingly) Hey Griswold. Where do you believe you're going to put a tree that enormous?

Clark: Bend over and I'll indicate you.

Todd Chester: (indignantly) You have a great deal of nerve conversing with me like that, Griswold.

Clark: I wasn't conversing with you. [looking at his better half, Margo]

Ellen: You set principles that no family movement can satisfy.

Clark: When have I at any point done that?

Ellen: Birthdays, weddings, commemorations, funerals, occasions, excursions, graduations...

[Clark is taking a gander at underwear, as an attractive businessperson approaches]

Mary: Can I demonstrate you something?

Clark: Oh, I was simply smelling - grinning. I was simply pullover - perusing.

Mary: For your better half? For your better half?

Clark: Uh... huh? What was the deal? I, uh, heh. [Mops his brow with a couple of panties] Well, I get it just wouldn't... [Realizes what he'd done and puts the underwear back] Oh hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, would it say it isn't?

Mary: You have your jacket on.

Clark: Yes, gracious isn't that right? How'd that occur?

Mary: Because it's chilly out?

Clark: Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I signify 'nippy out.' [Laughs] What am I saying, areola? Ok, there is a touch noticeable all around, however.

Clark: 'Tis the season to be cheerful.

Mary: That's my name.

Clark: No poop.

[While having supper, Uncle Lewis smokes a stogie and drops it. A fire overwhelms in the family room for a brief moment. Clark sees it and strolls into the living room]

Clark: Lewis?? [Tears up when he sees that his Christmas tree has been signed into a crisp] MY TREE!

Uncle Lewis: What's the issue with you?

Clark: Look what you've done to my tree!!! [Notices that Lewis is ablaze in the back of his clothes] LEWIS! [Uses a blind, snatches Lewis praises to put out the fire]

[Others come in and take a gander at the pulverized tree]

Workmanship: It was a monstrous tree at any rate.

Uncle Lewis: At a minimum, it's out of its hopelessness!

Auntie Bethany: Is your home ablaze, Clark?

Clark Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

Auntie Bethany: Don't toss me down, Clark.

Clark Griswold: I'll do whatever it takes not to, Aunt Bethany.

Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.

Auntie Bethany: Oh dear, did I fart?

Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room get out, Bethany? No, she implies presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.

Uncle Lewis: Hey Gris, Bethany and I made sense of the ideal present for you.

Clark: Aw, you didn't need to make me anything.

Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he got it.

Auntie Bethany: This house is greater than your old one. Is Rusty still in the Navy?

Ellen: Aunt Bethany, for what reason don't you run with Frances and Cathrine into the family room and make proper acquaintance with everyone.

Auntie Bethany: Hello, everyone?

Ellen: Just in the family room...

Auntie Bethany: I should state it?

Ellen: You should state it.

Close relative Bethany: Hello, everyone!

Ellen: Hello, everyone.

Russ: Dad.

Clark: Yeah.

Russ: This container is whimpering.

Clark: Let me see.

[Clark takes the present, shakes it, and a feline fiercely meows]

Clark: She wrapped up her damn feline!

Ellen: Well, take it to the kitchen and open it up.

Clark: Then we'll have a feline circling the house.

Ellen: We can't abandon it in the container.

Russ: Why might somebody put a feline in a container?

Ellen: She gets confounded, Rusty. She's old. She and Uncle Louis don't have much cash, so she takes things from around the house, wraps them up, and gives them away as presents.

Russ: [Mock enthusiasm]Great! Can hardly wait to perceive what I got.

Eddie: [comes in with another of Aunt Bethany's gifts] This one here, it's leakin'. [Ellen contacts the fluid turning out with her finger and Eddie to lick it] It's lime!

Ellen: That would be her Jell-O form.

Eddie: You amazed to see us, Clark?

Clark: Surprised Eddie?... In the event that I woke up tomorrow with my make a beeline for the cover, I wouldn't be more amazed than I am currently.

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Make you something to eat? Drive you out to the center of no place, abandon you for dead?

Eddie: Naw, I'm doing fine and dandy, Clark.

Ellen: What are you taking a gander at?

Clark: Oh, the quiet magnificence of a winter's morn... the perfect, cool chill of the occasion air... a butt nugget in his shower robe, purging a concoction latrine into my sewer...

[Eddie, in the carport, is depleting the RV's toilet]

Eddie: [yells] Shitter was full!

Clark: Ah, no doubt. You checked our crappers, nectar?

Ellen: Clark, if it's not too much trouble He doesn't know any better.

Clark: He oughta know it's illicit. That is a tempest sewer. On the off chance that it loads up with gas, I feel sorry for the individual who lights a match inside ten yards of it.

Ruby Sue: Rocky piece my thumb. He's anxious in light of the fact that Christmas is relatively here.

Clark: Nervous or energized?

Ruby Sue: Shitting blocks.

Clark: You shouldn't utilize that